I don't know, ask somebody else!

How appropriate that I should begin scribing my first 2007 offering as I watch a Dispatches documentary about gambling in the UK: Labour's gambling addiction. The same Channel Four doco slot that concurred with my views about public transport in London at the beginning of my feather ruffling blog. Dispatches: Britain’s Commuter Nightmare Not that I'm agin a laisser faire economy. On the other hand, Cameron: Thatcher was right on role of government Or you could watch Armando Iannucci's TV political sitcom The Thick of It. In an interview he quoted a junior minister who warned him that Westminster was far, far worse than he could ever imagine!

The fact that gambling has devasting social consequences is not solely a reason to ban it. Alcohol, sex and many more 'isms blight our lives as well. London will be like New York on July 1 when the ban on smoking in public places is introduced. Being a non-smoker, and tired of washing and changing clothes from the smoke-filled pub the night before only to catch a whiff of my nicotine soaked hair the following day, I approve of the legislation. Gambling may not be the easiest thing to wash from your system as the facts of Atlantic City in the Dispatches programme reveal but like pornography it is a legitimate entertainment pastime in many reaches of the world. Cracking down on rogue gambling, as the American authorities did, should be applauded. So should legislating it as New Labour proposes. But the prime motivation is tax generation or demographic rejuvenation depending which pressure group the government is lobbying. And don't forget the current scandal about the donor cash for Labour peerages. What more, The Sunday Times, almost six months ago, published transcripts of taped conversations confirming what’s actually happening. And let's face it, the richer you are the more willing the Inland Revenue is to strike a deal with you. Why else employ an accountant but to minimise tax liability? The government was quite happy to part-privatise transport and let shareholders reap profits at the expense of commuting tax payers, though, wasn’t it?

And speaking of irony and laughter and legitimate entertainment pastimes, tonight's Celebrity Big Brother has just oozed onto my television. The task for contestants today (or yesterday, in fact) was to make Big Brother laugh. (Defending public transport in London could start the ribs rolling!) A respite, no doubt, from the furore that one contestant solicited through her supposedly racial comments against another contestant. Storm in a TV show: India's fury over taunting of Shilpa. Racism gets a reality check Questions in parliament no less! Now, I must be one of the few Brit cognoscenti to have been following this series and therefore to have witnessed the comments in context rather than ink-bytes in a newspaper. The editorial of The Independent An unflattering mirror to our society
labelled them as "a bunch of neanderthal C-list celebrities". Ouch! Go peddle that bicycle and pick those coffee beans as penance! Not quite the probing psychology you'd expect from that newspaper. Contestants may be a bit desperate but they're not Neolithic! The editorial goes onto to note, however, the "barely submerged xenophobia in Britain" and the fact that the programme wouldn't have its ratings if it didn't "hold[s] a mirror to contemporary society". And was this just a coincidence? Janet Street-Porter is accused of racially abusing neighbour

Street-Porter apologises for swearing at neighbour but denies being racist

Sounds like her neighbour wants to be on Big Brother.

What is most worrying about that programme is that bullying and humiliation is clearly seen in that mirror and the conflict tacitly condoned as entertainment. Even if it is played up for the cameras in the mirrors. And who better to bully than a celebrity right, 'cause they deserve it and they can afford it not to hurt. Hmm.....This opens a very maggoty can of worms...Success is never really celebrated in Britain. They build you up to knock you down. The people made you therefore they're allowed to break you. Hmmm....a mistress for a French politician is de rigour, yet in Britain it's certain death! And read this: Mass appeal of a star said to have 'the best body in Bollywood' In the Bollywood film Guru (without Shetty) where the little man triumphs over the system, I definitely saw female navels in a dance sequence albeit with jewellery. I guess if leading Brit and American politicians don’t know the difference between Sunni and Shiite, why should I fathom non-navel gazing politics from the Indian continent?

The English love the underdog, but what happens when the mutt suddenly wins the dog show? Hmmmm....kids spreading rumours and bullying on their mobile phones, just harmless play? I don't think so, and that’s what worries me about shows like Big Brother. But all things must be seen in context and there are two sides to every story and yet...
Model thrown off bus for being too tall
Not all bus drivers are Neanderthal of course [Indy sic...:)))] but I could fill a book with my own bad experiences. Speaking of which, how are the trains I hear you ask?

Providing you didn't die of loneliness and neglect on Christmas Day as England ground to a halt as one of the only countries not to have any public services on that most Christian consumption filled day, your salvation was this
Rail users unite: I'm all set to man the barricades
Lower prices are the way to make train take the strain
Why are rail fares rising so fast, and can these higher prices be justified?
And this
Protesting commuters refuse to pay for train tickets
Packed-in passengers plan revolt after carriages are withdrawn
Power to the people! Ooops, didn't John Lennon get allocated a FBI file, only recently released, for singing that? I guess democracy derives from the demo of demo-tape rather than Greek government. Maybe a Deus ex-agent machina can save you and maybe not!

The London underground continues to infuriate. Severe delays on the Piccadilly line yesterday but no on-board announcements to confirm or elaborate on this. And each week since New Year, there’s been at least one day of doom. Overrunning engineering works in the morning and further delays early evening. That’ll certainly increase the productivity of the workers! It almost feels like the privatised tube lines are ‘taking the piss’ as the English would say. A couple of peak-time city commuters told me it took almost 45 minutes to go a few stops and still no announcements to enlighten.

And now for some light relief:

The science of sex

<strong>Following the British Ambassador to Thailand's Monty Python impressions and recent Pirates of Penzance performance: more colourful goings-on at our Bangkok embassy to distract staff from talk of a Thai counter-coup.

A female employee has pioneered a new function of the diplomatic bag, using it to receive a sex toy from Blighty. The top brass got mad with her for such impropriety and ordered her to send it back (by mail).

I'm told, in less than diplomatic language: "She argues that Bangkok is OK for the blokes because of the girly bars. But she can't get a bloke coz they're all crap or off shagging thin Thai birds. So she needs the vibrator."

The lady is taking this one all the way to the Ambassador's desk. Pandora backs the sexual liberation of the Foreign Office. Make love, not war!

pandora@ independent.co.uk

Rhyme and punishment, or how to construct a holorime